Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
