Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize