This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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