He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
