two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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