she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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