Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
