My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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