Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
