her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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