Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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