You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
