how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
