walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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