Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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