Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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