If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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