And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
