The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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