I'm really into asian looking animals
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
