Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Your cock deserves a montage
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
