I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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