It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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