I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
