Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
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