Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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