It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Randomize
