yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
