I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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