I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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