You really coming over, don't trick.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
