Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
