This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
