Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
