Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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