Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
