You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
