Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
