You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
