did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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