Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I forgot how hot balto sounded
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
