White coat. Heels.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
