Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
