watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
