this beer tastes like vomit already
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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