Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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