Hey man sorry I got all grabby
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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