Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
