Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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