im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
