It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
