I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
