I'm so fucking centered right now
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
