So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
