Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
