i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
