If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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