I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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