Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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