i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
