you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
