So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
