When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I can't turn off my feet"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
