how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
