all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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