She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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