Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
