i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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