Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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