he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
