can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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