I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
of course. lets lasso hookers.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
