Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
