so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
God, I missed his penis.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
