At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize
