I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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