i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize