I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize