I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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