im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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