making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
