just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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