this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
