We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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