What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
