well I can't set my house on fire every night
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
