Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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