When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize