You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We're too hungover to prance.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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