at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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