I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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