what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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